I found a dealer that takes plastic. I'm so in trouble.
How did currency from Costa Rica make it's way into my wallet...?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
watched two friends get underages. one had a shirt on that said lets get wasted while the other said to the cop "i understand your just trying to do your job but that was dirty bro".
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
I wore the clothes I got arrested in last night to work today.....there is no where but up from here!
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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