We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
the blizzard started in kansas. im debating driving to a bar now so i can get snowed in there for the game
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
