I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
I also referred to her clitorous as her "vagina dot" last night...probably going to be dumped soon.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Sex last night was mind blowing. your wife is one lucky lady.
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
Randomize
