I looked at my own cervix.
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
I heard you were walking home with taylor with your dress completely up and your ass exposed
Yeah, that sounds like my life.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I consented to having my finger branded. How was your night?
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
