Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
I just heard a crying baby from out my apartment window and yelled SAME
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Not only is he funny, he had a REALLY big dick
He's old enough to be your father!
REALLY. BIG. DICK.
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