it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She clogged the toilet and got it out with a seven eleven bag. I tried to tell her no but she was convinced that was the logical thing to do.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
when you tell me you got me a birthday present, I have to assume it will show up in a drug test.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
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