in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
90 persent of me said don't pee on that fake plant. Buyt i did
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
Cancun blessed me with a drinking problem
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
You have to get it done early. Like a dick drive by. Hit it and run.
Do you think it's a bad sign of the outcome of the pregnancy test I'm about to take that I was eating a fudgsicle on the way into the drugstore? Would it make worse to tell you I also bought a big ass bag of Cornnuts?
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