oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Too much gin, very little bucket
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
Is it totally acceptable to fuck a co-worker even though we don't speak the same language?
Why do you even have to ask me that question
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