I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
Im sweating champagne and woke up in nothing but a tuxedo jacket. What didnt go wrong last night?
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Other than trying to finger me on the couch in the middle of the bar a few times, you were fine.
I'm always down for nudity.
Hate my fucking roommates.... Seriously, who the FUCK peels potatoes in the bathroom sink?!
Remember that one time you told the bartender he was fuckable? Well, he's here.
That's the only way to watch Gumby. Either age 5 or high.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
