I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
You really need to get over the whole "jail" thing. Its really not that bad.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
Omg! I'm gonna have a heat stroke. I'm going to collect my sweat and drink it for a buzz and hydration purposes
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Seltzer and cocaine. Life is flawless right now.
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
Randomize
