Ever have the mailman look at you like youre a chronic masterbator. I have.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Congrats on graduating and I'm in a cab and need someone to helps keeping me up, do you mind
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
Randomize
