And I just threw up at the table during Mother's Day Brunch.
Braces and a neon one piece. She looks 15.
i'm in love
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I had a dream last night, there was a gumball machine that was filled with Oxycontin. I would try to get some but got vitamins instead. I was so frustrated!! woke up angry.
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
...You tried to use your wallet to call her after you gave your cell phone to the cab driver as a "peace offering"
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
i had to win in rock paper scissors, get called a fat whore, and make two dudes get in a fight so we could call next game on the table and you make zero cups. thanks asshole.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
