I hope you get the herp and dife. The emd.
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
I just spent 30 minutes plucking my 2 month grown out pubes with tweezers so I’m hope your night is going better than mine
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
