I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I just took the soggiest of beer shits and all i have to eat is shredded cheese and more beer. I need an adult.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
HE WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE TROPHY HUSBAND! I WAS GOING TO BE THE SUCCESSFUL ONE!
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
