$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
I will probably be peed on at some point today.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
the last thing is remember is that strange guy in the leotard...i woke up in my bed, naked, with a half eaten grilled cheese on my nightstand, a six pack in the fridge, a new pack of cigarettes on my pillow and coke in my purse. apparently i bought some drugs, shopped and cooked. typical.
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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