i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
don't care how drunk i am. my dick was like "nope, not doing it, you can't make me and i was like oh yes i can"
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
A stripper just invited me to her daughter's birthday. Where did my life go wrong?
fuck whipped cream. I'd eat vegetables off those abs
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
