yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
don't take this the wrong way, but I'm not drunk but I need you to take me to the ER and you're the most likely to not be drunk now.
Randomize
