One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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