smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
WHOA. WHOA. WTF. WHOA. TOO HIGH FOR HIM TO BE ENGAGED RIGHT NOW.
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
we found her in my closet eating a clove of garlic.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
