Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Nothing says hey I wanna be your friend again like ambushing me with a dick pic
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
