Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
she was talking to me but i could help but stare at the extremely long hairs on her boobs. then she says, "your looking at the hair on my boobs aren't you"
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
i cant wait for all this BS that is happening with Tiger to happen to Tebow
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Quite frankly, I consider the fact that I'm NOT pregnant one of my greatest achievements and I'd like to chronicle that ongoing success. I'm going to post pictures of me at "0 weeks" once a week.
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
