Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
you were the first one he came out to and you announced it as the finale while singing karaoke at the bar
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
I sold weed for gas money to get home. I thought that's what college was for.
You were dancing with his friend and you stopped to literally push the girl he was dancing with out of the way to make out with him
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
Odd start to the day - the FBI just showed up at my apartment.
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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