Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
From now on I'd like to be known as Rampage.
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