yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
90% of the problems in your life are directly related to your vagina
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
I just stole a cupcake from somebody's bottle service
And I got $4 when somebody made it rain.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
I'm still, like... really stoked about not having any STDs
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
Randomize
