i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
He was sitting on the bathroom floor, swirling his finger in the toilet singing the Laguna Beach theme song. I don't know whether to laugh or help him.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
Did you survive the Atlanta roadway snowpocalypse?
All the bars are closed. Might as well be dead.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
