im so drunk with asians
where?
always
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
Umm. Any where really. Alcohol and boobs. Those are the requirements.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I'm drinking red wine & feeding anchovies to the dog. I'm really not picky about what kinda of company I'm in.
can you go into shock from having too many orgasms? i think i went into shock.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I'm serious. My alarm label is "BAR TABS" as motivation for me to wake up in the morning and go to work.
Hot freshmen.....hot freshmen chicks everywhere
You say this every welcome week, bro.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
He has no idea he’s my boyfriend.
Randomize
