I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I'm currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
just to let you know, that was probably the funniest text i've ever received.
I suppose that kind of helps fill the void where my self respect used to be.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
We were making eye contact while i was throwing up.
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
hey sorry i didnt call i just got out of jail, so you still dtf ?
Randomize
