I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Nothing like being buzzed at 10:20am off wine shots in Amish country
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
He is a sweet angel sent from dick heaven!
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Randomize
