Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Do you hit a new low in life when you have to carry around a puke bag in your purse when you're hungover?
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
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