I didn't say she couldn't, I said you shouldn't.
I called her a whore. 15 minutes later she gave me head at arby's while i was eating a roast beef. best afternoon ever
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
WHATEVER CLASS IS PLAYING "TOOT IT AND BOOT IT" AT 8:30 IN THE MORNING, I WANT IN.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
And I don't know if this is really ESP, or just a crazy feeling, but I'm pretty sure he has an std. Or at least a cold.
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
So besides your brother walking in on you shaving and singing "I'm gonna get asssss" how was your night
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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