so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I hope your perfect outfit is a slutty power rangers outfit. That's been my dream wedding since I was a kid.
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
