all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I woke up this morning to 7 word documents that all said "remember to be extremely angry at your jerk of a brother." What the hell did you do to me last night?
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
you made your own hammock out of a towel and duct tape.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
My dad wants to dress like mitt Romney tomorrow night and tell trick or treaters they owe him candy.
Okay we're getting vodka and coming
Okay. Joe has my machete attached to his belt
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Where am I? And why the fuck did you leave me here?
Relax. I left you somewhere safe plus you have all my weed so you know I will come back for you.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Randomize
