she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
My moms new boyfriend looks like Stu Pickles if he was in a biker gang. He gave me free coke though, so come party?
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
