my credit card is covered in vodka and bad memories
There's nothing like vomiting in the restroom at work to remind you that you're not in college anymore.
did i really just refer to you as "the mid season replacement"
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
Randomize
