Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
wat bout pragnant strippers??
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
so my doctor just swabbed my throat, and he looked up in suprise when i had no gag reflex. yea, he just judged me.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
