Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
She told me her last name, which as you know is my #1 turn-off.
She asked how many sexual partners I'd had and I was like "Honestly I don't even know". And then she said "well last time you said 8." And my inner monologue busted out laughing and I was like "Oh I'd say like 11 or 12.....plus 20."
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
For some reason she gave me a handjob. It was all very confusing
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Randomize
