she was so not down for the gang bang
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Know your penis has been the topic of conversation over glasses of wine.
It's twenty thirteen and the rando and I bonded over the fact that we're both stil using flip phones. Of course I fucked him in the bathroom. It was the obvious thing to do.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
If there's anything else you're planning on stealing from me, please let me know so I can set it on fire
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
