i already hear my dad disowning me
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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