i spent my evening searching "the sims having sex" on youtube
we're no longer friends
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
We were gonna play Truth or Dare but like 10 minutes in we decided to get naked and play Dare or Get the fuck out.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
The good news is I woke up fully clothed, on top of my covers, with a half eaten granola bar. So, breakfast was waiting for me and I’m already dressed and ready to go today.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
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