i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You're fine
I'm hiding in my chest because my walls smell weird. I'm not fine.
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
We were suposed to have a 3some in their bathroom but it just turned into us 2 making out while he watched like a little kid on christmas morning
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
You just kept yelling GET YOUR SKATES ON, BITCHES. WE'RE GOING STREAKING.
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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