Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Haha im about to meet my shrink &i have so much shit to tell him i made an outline
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
pesky things like morals, self-preservation and cowardice are not needed. overkill is nothing but a word. there will be blood.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
