then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
i'll prob lay in bed. its weird not having to track my wallet down, its become such a weekly habit. i suddenly have so much free time
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
Lack of response to this text gains you a half hour of freedom before I initiate operations to conclude you are not, in fact, comatose. You requested no mercy.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
Randomize
