i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
I just faked an orgasm while masturbating. Idk what exactly my problem is but I have one
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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