She is in my trunk
I just got a rly sharp new razor and was shaving down there...
and?
RIP clitoris
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Agreed. Everyone should experience a blackout before 3pm in their lifetime.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Lmao. We just snorted some mystery powder uriah found packged up in my car, that i know has been in there almost a year... Its adventure time.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
every single time I see a picture of the two of them on facebook, I want to just call her and scream "your boyfriend said I give the best head on the east coast". But I've been told that would be inappropriate.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I just got a girl to make out with me just by saying "get at me." Get at me
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
Randomize
