he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I ended up at these random girls' house they are smoking weed out of a gun
he said he'd buy me TWO burritos if I took my shirt off
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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