I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
She sleeps with her hand around my balls. First I thought it was just a comfort thing. Now I think it's to make sure I can't slip away in the middle of the night.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
To get him to come she paid for his uber and promised that someone in the house would give him head. it worked
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I'm a history major and he's the descendant of TWO presidents. Did you really think I wasn't going to sleep with him?
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