repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
guy in front of me at the pharmacy just asked the pharmacist for 2 Plan B's and replied with, "If your wondering, then yes I did have a threesome. It was amazing".
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
I just saw a herd of slutty loofahs run down the street...
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I ask him how he's going, like life and stuff, and he responds "20-0 pats"
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
You got into an extremely loud argument with a juggalo and slapped him, he started crying and everyone cheered.
I remember that, it happened before I started drinking. I thought you said I did something shameful?
Randomize
