i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
i just had to wipe vomit off my fone to text you. yeah that hungover.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I didn't think it was possible but he dislocated his thumb during intercourse last night then cried
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
you've already made the comitment to pee in public you should at least whip your dick out
I feel like that japanese guy who ate all the hotdogs. Except replace hotdogs with sailor jerrys. And instead of a trophy and world record I just get a hangover at work
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
