Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
