Who did Billy Mays play for?
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
I have no idea where we are. But it doesn't look dirty so I don't think we are in jersey yet
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
