Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
I'm too old for chlamydia. That's for 20 year olds who go to clubs and do drugs I've never heard of.
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
Randomize
