I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Who the fuck was that guy he kept pulling his dick out walking up to people trying to hand it to people and saying go ahead open the door like it was a door knob
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I need to calm my uterus...
I have to start drinking water I have a drug test to fail at 1:40
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